


Lunch Break

by Ren (mizdarknezz3)



Series: Wesley's Secret [2]
Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: Angst, Confrontations, Gen, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-27 14:33:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30124257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mizdarknezz3/pseuds/Ren
Summary: After Angel returns from his spree as Angelus the team is working to figure out who the Beast Master is, but Angel has a conversation with Wesley about what Angelus reveled.
Series: Wesley's Secret [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2216946





	Lunch Break

**Author's Note:**

> This work is a sequel to my story Confrontation and will probably make a bit more sense if you read that first. It was originally just going to be a stand alone one shot but I got a comment that inspired me to write more so here this is. It's not as comforting as the last story, sorry about that but I find it hard to write comforting things during this point in season four. I hope you enjoy it anyway!

Angel was back and the Beast was gone. Willow had come and gone and with her went Faith. Wesley felt a smidgen of guilt for what had almost happened to the young slayer but the plan had worked and that was what was important. Now they had to deal with the Beast’s Master. Also a pregnant Cordelia. Wesley tried to ignore all his feelings concerning that situation. Especially since Conner wouldn’t let anyone go see Cordelia in person, already very protective of his child. Wesley doubted anyone wanted him near a baby anyway, what with what happened last time. As per usual with Angel the man seemed to have no interest talking about what had happened with Angelus. He had apologized about Lilah’s death, and explained that Angelus hadn’t killed him, but about all the comments about Wesley’s feelings towards Fred and revealing his relationship with Lilah, they just weren’t going to talk about it. Just like they weren’t going to talk about how Angelus had revealed Wesley’s secret to everyone. 

After having talked with Cordelia that night no one was really keen on making him talk about it again. Though he did notice that they were keeping an extra eye on him. And whenever he went to take care of the weapons Fred was there taking them away saying she had it handled. It was frustrating, being treated like he was fragile. He had gone and made a name for himself without them, he had shown them that he could be trusted out in the field and would make the best decisions for the greater good with Faith. He could handle cleaning weapons. Besides, it wasn’t like he was cutting himself with their weapons anyway. He had his own knife he kept hidden in the room he was staying in that he used. And sometimes if he didn’t feel up to it he’d just use his razor. Of course after they found out he hadn’t stopped, it wasn’t like he was doing it to get their attention, that had never been the point. The point was to help him keep himself under control, and to pay for his mistakes. 

He was going through the books once again, trying to see if he could find anything about this Master. Angel didn’t give them a lot to go on. Obviously the Master had some sort of mystical power, but how much was unknown. He was behind the counter in the lobby looking, no one else was in the lobby. Gunn was with Gwen helping her with something, Fred had gone to her room after Angel kicked them out of the room for hovering and Cordelia was probably with Conner. Wesley knew that it was unlikely he’d find anything in these pages, he’d already been through them many times before. But he didn’t like feeling useless. He had to be doing something to try and help. As he read he looked up to crack his neck to see Angel peering down at him. A few years ago he would have jumped at the sight but now he just raised an eyebrow.

“Did you finish rewriting the page?” Wesley asked. Angel shook his head and moved behind the counter to the fridge.

“No, I just got thirsty and needed a drink. How are you doing Wesley?” Angel asked, pulling a blood packet from the mini fridge. 

“As well as any person trying to advert the apocalypse and discover information on a never before seen mystical pregnancy could be I suppose.” Wesley responded. “And yourself?” Wesley asked, though he suspected that if Angel was asking how he was then there was something else he wanted to talk about. 

“Frustrated, normally I can recreate things easily but trying to get a foreign language right is harder than I thought.” Angel answered and put the blood packet in the microwave. The hum of the machine filled the large room and Wesley watched Angel put his hands in his pockets and shift his feet. “About what Angelus said…” Angel started. 

“You were right before. We all knew the risks, there’s nothing else that needs to be said.” Wesley responded. He wasn’t sure if he was trying to reassure Angel or stop him from the conversation he was afraid was trying to happen. 

“I know, but I’m not trying to apologize for what he said, I’m worried about something he noticed. He was pretty sure that you were hurting yourself Wesley. And after he pointed that out I can’t help but notice the smell of blood coming from your room at night.” Angel went on and Wesley took a deep breath to try and steady himself. 

“It’s nothing to concern yourself with. I’m just fine.” Wesley responded and looked back down to his book although there was no way he’d be able to focus on the words.

“I don’t think bleeding and fine go together.” Angel responded. Wesley didn’t respond, hoping that if he showed he wasn’t willing to have this conversation that Angel would drop it. After all, being forgiven for kidnapping his son didn’t mean that Angel saw him as he did before. He probably had the same mindset as Gunn, that Wesley was a weak link in this group just trying to get himself killed. Angel sighed. “Listen, Wes, I know things haven’t been going well for you, but you’ve got to find some other way to deal with it.” Angel said and Wesley could feel the vampires eyes on him. Wesley looked up and into those eyes.

“Why?” Angel seemed a bit startled by his question, but it was a serious one. Why did it matter if he cut himself to help himself? How was it any worse than drinking or doing drugs? How was it worse than steadfastly throwing himself into fight after fight where the odds seemed to always be against him? Why was it worse than obsessively throwing himself into research and science until he was isolating himself from everyone else? How was his coping mechanism worse than any of theirs?

“Why? Because you’re hurting yourself, and that’s bad. I mean, I know you’re smarter than this Wes, you don’t need me to explain to you why what you’re doing is wrong.” Angel responded crossing his arms. 

“Then what do you propose I do instead?” Wesley asked and Angel shifted his feet again.

“Something healthier.” Angel responded, which was such a generic response.

“Like what?” Wesley asked, pushing the vampire to try and show Wesley something that Wesley couldn’t see. 

“I don’t know Wes, anything! Talk to someone, drink, go dancing for all I care. Anything is better than cutting yourself.” Angel grumbled, throwing his hands up in the air. The microwave started beeping aggressively and Angel stared at Wesley for a moment before turning around to get his warmed blood. Part of Wesley wanted to scoff, part of him wanted to laugh, and a third part of himself wanted to argue. To ask why getting liver disease was better than a cut. To wonder who was he supposed to talk to? A therapist? One who would definitely think of him as mentality ill as soon as he explained to them what he did for a living. And dancing, why would making a greater fool of himself make him any better than he was now? And didn’t Angel realize that he already was drinking? Couldn’t he smell the whiskey and scotch on him? If Angel didn’t have any real ideas on what to do instead of cutting than what else could there really be? What else could help him stay in control, what other punishment could he give himself? He had already been isolated, he had already tried having sex to make it go away, and to drink himself into a numb stupor. Unless he was really ready to jump down the rabbit hole and make himself completely useless by trying Orpheus what was there besides cutting? Well there was bruising and burning. Less blood, less evidence, and less satisfaction. But maybe it would get everyone off of his back. He could try, at least it would make everyone else happier. 

“Okay, I’ll try something else.” Wesley said and Angel looked up to him with a face that was clearly trying to read him, and maybe two years ago Angel would have been able to tell what he was thinking, but for now Angel just looked back down to his mug and nodded.

“Things will get better, trust me.” Angel said. The vampire took his mug of blood with him back up the stairs leaving Wesley with his books. He wanted to believe him, he really did, but he couldn’t bring himself to. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you thought below, I'd love to hear it! Stay safe and have a great day!


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